It’s The Gentleman’s Review’s fifth Christmas and what have they learned. Well, not much really, although Andy did discover that the best way to break Martin’s concentration during a song is to simply wave bits of paper at him. This may become useful in any future fights to the death. Besides that, it is a relatively sedate affair with coffee and pies being taken orally every ten minutes. Listen out for Martin’s heart breaking, it sounds like a screaming jellyfish.

Here are the words to the song, if you fancy singing along:

On the first day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

A third class ticket to Barnsley.

 

On the second day of Christmas ,

My true love gave to me:

Two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

 

On the third day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Three laughing perverts, two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

 

On the fourth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

 

On the fifth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

 

On the sixth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans,  four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

 

On the seventh day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans,  four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

On the eighth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

 

On the ninth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Nine noisy parsnips, eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

 

On the tenth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Ten tits a-bouncing,  nine noisy parsnips, eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Eleven racist penguins,  ten tits a-bouncing,  nine noisy parsnips, eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

 

On the Twelfth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me:

Twelve Peter Sissons, eleven racist penguins,  ten tits a-bouncing,  nine noisy parsnips, eight melted children, seven bums a-poopin’, six whelks a-singing,  five burst swans, four bloated winkles, three laughing perverts , two midget poofs and a third class ticket to Barnsley.

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Episode 108 – 2012 Christmas Special